Seasons of Life

Audio By Carbonatix

Kids can be a wonderful blessing in a couple’s life. The journey encompasses the thrill of watching them take their first step to the agony of defeat when they fall. There are a lot of ups and downs in between, which cover a range of emotions from exhilarating to devastating. While all of this is happening, a couple has to learn to navigate their marriage through the successes and trials that their kids will experience.

Sometimes couples are in total agreement about how to handle what their child is going through, but there are other circumstances where couples will be in opposition. That’s when a marriage can experience a breakdown of epic proportions. When it feels like the waves are crashing down around you because of what your child is facing, the boat gets rocked even more when your spouse throws your opinions and solutions overboard. This is a time when you really need support, and yet you feel like you’re an island.

Marriage can be a huge blessing. The companionship, support, and affection that results from this relationship can be priceless for both spouses. However, this kind of investment and subjection to a high level of vulnerability can be costly. This is especially true when there is a disruption in the relationship and your child’s behavior is the cause. Each spouse looks at it from a different vantage point. How does a couple survive that kind of situation?

The first thing to remember is that you are both passionate about your views and ideas because you love your child very much. The motivation for your thoughts isn’t out of a heart of obstinacy, but rather a heart of devotion. It’s possible that further on in the discussions, stubbornness will rear its ugly head. But, initially you both have your hearts in the right place.

Be careful not to blame your wife for what is happening, especially when it comes to your children. Avoid making comments that make her feel like you think it’s her fault that the whole thing happened. Assigning blame does nothing constructive. It just builds up walls between people.

When you do run into roadblocks or you’re at a crossroad about what to do, try slowing down and carefully assessing all viewpoints. Consider your child’s, your wife’s, as well as your own. One idea is to write down the pros and cons of each. It may help you see all the perspectives more clearly instead of just focusing on your own ideas. If you aren’t open to what others think, you might overlook a worthwhile solution to a really tough problem. If you choose to be inflexible, you will miss an opportunity to stretch yourself and grow in your decision making.

When you and your wife are experiencing a trial in your marriage because of outside influences, whether it’s a child making poor decisions or something happening at work, it’s important that you stay connected as a couple, even when your opinions differ.

When it feels like everything else is working against you, a couple needs to know that they can count on each other and work together for a resolution.