No DIY

Audio By Carbonatix

The idea I’m sharing with you today comes from a mistake I made in my family. Actually, most of my ideas come from mistakes I make in my family life! Then, I share them in hopes that my experiences will help others.

I’m known for trying to do home projects by myself. I sometimes will refuse help from others even though I could probably use it. I basically send the message, “hands off.” I do it because I believe that’s the only way it will get done right. Then, one day, I realized that if I approach everything in this way, my children would never learn any skills. As soon as I became aware of this, I started including my children in projects. I allowed them to participate with me, help me, and (hopefully) grow with me. Because when I did that, they were learning in the process, and through this, I discovered that my way is not always the best way.

For some tasks in life, there really is only one way to get it done. To get the water flowing in a garden hose, there is only one way to turn the handle: lefty-loosey. To stop the flow of water, it’s righty-tighty. That’s how many of us remember which way to turn the handle. The same principle applies to nuts and bolts. It’s a great way to recall which direction to turn in order to tighten or loosen them. But there are other tasks, such as loading the dishwasher or putting toilet paper on the roll, that could be done several different ways. The same is true for a lot of home projects. But, as humans, we get so stuck on the way we like to do it that we begin to believe that our way is the only way. This causes a lot of frustration in families.

I think newly-married couples go through this when they first move in together. Each of them has a certain way to do a simple household task ingrained in them. They don’t think about any of this before they get married because they believe love will conquer all. And it should, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be a few arguments. From folding towels to capping the toothpaste to placing the throw pillows on the bed, newly-married couples go through a lot of silly arguments instead of accepting that their way may not always be the only way, or the best way. Why is it so important to win when deciding which way the toilet paper rolls? It all boils down to pride.

It’s pride that prevents us from letting our children help us with a project. We can ruin the whole experience because we are too stubborn to accept help or acknowledge that they found a better way to accomplish the same goal—it’s simply not how we would do it. Cherish the moments you can spend with your children bonding over a project. Children may be more open to talk when it’s not a scheduled meeting. It’s also important to let your kids make a mistake or let them find a different way to do something so that they feel good about making a contribution. Then, you can feel pride over your children’s accomplishment instead of your own, which will boost their confidence. It will also help you win more often at home.