Jumping In or Out?

Audio By Carbonatix

Life is complicated, isn’t it? Different situations call for different responses from us, and that requires wisdom to know how to handle the moments we face. Often, we respond in the way that matches our natural wiring. If we’re comfortable with conflict and confrontation, we will probably address the situation head-on. If we prefer peace and default to making other people happy, even if it comes at our own expense, we will probably avoid doing anything that might “rock the boat.” Depending on the situation, either of those two approaches might be the appropriate one.

Those of us who are more wired for confrontation (like I am) probably know the experience of entering a conversation with a lot more “fire” than the situation required. After we spoke our piece, maybe we found out that we misunderstood what was done or said. Or maybe we just had a disproportionate response to something that was annoying or frustrating to us. As somebody who is naturally comfortable with confrontation and conflict, I’ve been working to slow down and assess the situation before I jump right in under the assumption that the situation requires a confrontational approach.

On the other end of the spectrum, those people who are more wired to seek peace have probably avoided dealing with an issue in the name of keeping things calm. Maybe you told yourself that a slight or insult wasn’t that big of a deal, but you found yourself dealing with resentment in the days that followed the conversation. Or maybe you’ve realized that your desire to be accommodating to everyone has resulted in a lack of boundaries and constantly feeling taken advantage of or imposed upon. If you recognize yourself in the last few sentences, I’d encourage you to push yourself to speak up the next time you’re uncomfortable with something that’s happening.

As is often the case when two extremes exist, it’s not wise to always respond in either of the two ways. Not every situation calls for confrontation. But not every situation calls for smoothing things over, either. Like I mentioned at the beginning of the article, life is complicated, and knowing how to handle different situations calls for wisdom and discernment. And I believe that if you pay attention to what’s going on around you and in your family, you’ll find that there are plenty of opportunities for you to “jump in” or “jump out.” When you see the opportunities, I want to encourage you to decide how to engage: Stop and think rather than just doing what comes naturally.

In other words, if somebody is talking about their preferences or plans, that’s not a great time for you to take a strong stance—even if you’re sure they would enjoy a different kind of pizza or different city for their vacation. But if somebody is talking bad about somebody else or planning to make a decision that will cause harm, that’s not a good time to stay quiet in an effort to keep the peace. Knowing how to handle the wide variety of situations that you’ll find yourself in during the days and weeks to come won’t be simple. You’ll undoubtedly make the wrong decisions at times. But I firmly believe that approaching tough conversations with wisdom will benefit you and your family in the long run. Even when you don’t do it perfectly, you’ll still be moving in the direction of winning more often at home.