A Better Way to Handle the Green Cup Wars
Homeschool
Audio By Carbonatix
Because They Never Fight at 10 a.m. With Calm Voices
Conflict resolution is hard. Especially when you’re a mom spinning ten plates, and two kids decide right now is the time to argue about who had the green cup first.
In our home, conflict never seemed to show up at a convenient time.
It usually went something like this:
- I’d be elbow-deep in dinner prep…
- Or in the middle of writing a chapter…
- Or tackling Mt. Laundry (you know the one).
And bam—screaming, stomping, and accusations flying down the hallway.
Here’s what I used to do:
- Shut. It. Down.
- “Enough!”
- “Figure it out!”
- “Go to your rooms!”
- “Not now!”
I thought I was managing the situation, but I wasn’t resolving anything. I was just putting a lid on a pot that was ready to boil over again.
“The truth of the matter is this: Conflict is inevitable,
— Tricia Goyer
but peace is a process.”
The Wake-Up Moment
One day, I realized I was reacting to their emotions instead of guiding them through them. And more than that, I wasn’t teaching my kids how to work through hard things. I was modeling avoidance.
That realization changed everything.
“When we deny the story, it defines us. When we own the story, we can write a brave new ending.”
—Brené Brown
A New, Better Way to See Conflict
Conflict doesn’t have to be something we fear. It can be an opportunity, a classroom, and a spiritual practice. Learning how to handle conflict well will benefit your kids for life.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” — Romans 12:18
When conflict arose, I started doing something new. I slowed down, looked my kids in the eyes, and asked:
- “What happened from your perspective?”
- “What were you feeling?”
- “What do you need right now?”
- “What can we do differently next time?”
It’s a different approach, isn’t it? I also created a simple rule: No one’s in trouble. Instead, we’re just working it out.
And honestly? Our whole family dynamic shifted.
“The quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives.”
— Dr. Dan Siegel
Conflict doesn’t destroy connection unless we let it. With guidance, it can actually build positive relationships.
What Helped Me Most
- Stop and breathe before responding.
(Even when dinner’s burning.) - Treat conflict like a puzzle, not a fire.
You’re solving something, not putting it out. - Guide, don’t shame.
Your kids are still learning (and so are you). - Use a “talk it out” tool.
I made a printable with prompts. It’s simple, and it works!
💛 Tricia
Free for you: Want my “Talk It Out Together” worksheet to help your kids (and you!) work through conflict calmly? Get it here! And find a fun printable below!
Additional Resources
Calming Angry Kids
Slammed doors. Hurting hearts. I know what it’s like to parent children with chronic anger. Calming Angry Kids draws on my family’s own experience to help readers:
- understand what’s going on in a child’s brain
- focus on relationship over rules
- teach a child how to handle frustrations without outbursts
- control how they express their own anger
- establish a standard of respect in the home
Including reflection questions and action steps at the end of each chapter, Calming Angry Kids shows weary parents that peace in their home is within reach. Don’t lose hope!
